Kirsty Allsop gave me this inspiration, she mentioned on one of her inaign property programmes that to get a different perspective of the size of a room, was to lay on ones back on the floor of same room and stare up at the ceiling.

I went one better, it works amazingly if one is sufficiently fuelled with alcohol.

(Lays on floor and looks around, clockwise, or is it anti-clockwise)

“Looking upside down from under the stars. A Wolf howls up at the moon. Goldfish live forever in glass bowls and candles burn light many years from Mars. Cactus and wash buckets each side of the mantle and Dilbert stares out further than he can handle.

Digital clock & temperature rise, humidity stays stable and the wren and shell and mouse stare hypnotised with stupidity, Silver birch & floral trees, (honey) bees with hairy knees transferring pollen, golden oaks, fine hunny trees and sunshine a golden.

Crystal glaze & Doulton Blue, figures of porcelain and pots, held by glue, ceramics, old and new, ancient, dug up, repaired, cared for. Shells full of badness and worries, others empty full of sadness, a hymn framed upon eye level, synonymous of town and much drivel.

Dogs ears broken, pup faces smiling, thirty individual perforations framed infinity delivers great Cathedral cobwebs, party fairies, wooden poles and wafer thin glass, radiators bursting with joy, their heat and job, deployed.

Log burner burns, insignificant electric logs, rotations on a cycle, heat it does not! Second hand mirror, baroque and pale, displays the future, of those who ail and deep down behind in the silver, images of those dead it can deliver.

Italian marble all carved to perfection, grimy with years of lives imperfections, it stand almost as high as my clavicle, a true debate of minuscule debacle.

Wood toothpicks await their fate, of digging out detritus of plaque and hate, and when its time to switch the lights off, press a remote button, the night darkness is high, doff your hat and say goodnigh goodnigh.

Black, brown or candle stick grey, Imagine structures both thick and tall, clay moulders hands and delicate actions, eyes closed”

Crazy huh?