Sunday …. Kitchen sink drama’s

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Nothing to report as such, except my neighbour decided he wanted to change his new mixer taps just recently fitted in his new kitchen, for even newer.

So, I obliged, In return for a few glasses of fizz, yet again.

“All hail to the new mixer taps” … we cry!

I’m sure you must think that I am a lush of sorts? …..  And of course you would be right. Sort of, YES!

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Retro Day 7 …. all day I dream about sex

 

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I hope you look after your footwear as well as I do. These Adidas trainers, pictured, and to my understanding, are now at least fifteen years old,  I bought them then, second-hand, on an internet auction site, for less than ten pounds. Not bad eh!

Unfortunately, these trainers were not handcrafted by a blind man who sat in the shade under a tree on the edge of a road in a Tuscan village, but by many individuals sitting or kneeling at a production line sweating profusely. So, there was never likely to be any Cathedral bells rung in celebration each time a pair of these were completed, just another output number displayed in a packaging and dispatch area.

Adidas, to my knowledge were one of the original Retro sportswear manufacturers, then along popped Kappa and Nike and many others, but the Samba has always remained a firm classic.

At one point this original design was taken out of production and an eventual reinstatement realised just how popular original demand was. None of this ‘glow in the sole insanity or multi coloured uppers’ ever worked for me. All I need is just the three stripes to make a statement, a clear indicator these were made by Adidas. Every time I see the same said word, I tend to repeat the mantra which takes each individual alpha that makes the word up and chant “All Day I Dream About Sex”, of course, that stems back to my teenage years and many long ones ago. Dream about sex all day? …. I probably once did!

Sadly now, these trusty blue samba’s are a little like myself and are getting rather frayed around the edges, and its now time to replace these once fine pieces of workmanship with another pair.

Have you noticed the immense choice of these sporty accoutrements in the sport chain and department stores, its ridiculous. However I am easily pleased, nope, none of that torment, staring at huge walls, all lined up, hundreds of them, touching the shape and being told,”don’t get much call for a size seven these days” Instead, I will be scouring the internet again for a second-hand pair, although with my tiny hoofs, it will be like finding a needle in a haystack, but that’s all part of the chase. No doubt if you are anything like me and you see something you like or are familiar with, no doubt you would normally goes to the ends of the earth to try to find it.

So folks, you will have to excuse me now, as i’m about to fire up my rocket with the retro blasters on. Off in search of the elusive Blue Samba, a rare species in decline and not that far away from extinction.

Fortunately us old poachers know how to keep an old relic or two alive, and make good use of them. Will I be hanging these old ones up as a trophy on display?  No, instead I shall just give them a decent send off and remember them with great fondness.

Retro day 6 …. Help!

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This L.P. “Help” by the Beatles was released in the U.K.on August 6th 1965, I can honestly say this is my favourite all time album ever, I adore the film as well.

Fifty years has almost passed, and the construction of some of these tracks is brilliant, and as far as im concerned cannot be beaten.

Enjoy …… and as Cher once said, “follow that you biatches” !

Retro Day 5 …. Levi 501’s

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One of the biggest decisions I had to make as a teenager was to which brand of Denim jeans would I wear. Ultimately, once a decision has been made on the make and style, usually one carries on wearing that same brand.

At the age of seventeen, with an uncontrollable amount of testosterone raging through my veins and at a time when most of us lads were learning how to drive, or were hopelessly trying to get it off with the girls and also getting jiggy with it. If you knew what that meant and were able to, you were lucky, and especially if your hips where lose enough on the disco-dance floor.

A big factor concerned then, was as in fashion now. Who did one actually wear? And not what one was actually wearing! I’m sure you probably have all heard that statement by now.

The three main contenders available were Wrangler, Lee Cooper and Levi Strauss,  and with a trim twenty-eight inch waist and a decent amount of Gluteus Maximus, that criteria certainly annihilated the Wranglers as they pushed my buns flat. The Lee’s were a definite no-no, they just didn’t cut the mustard for me, I think it was the stitching!!  But the Levis, just had the finishing touch which kind of gently rounded up the produce and pushed the junk in the trunk nicely forward.

Of course, at the time, Levis were far pricier than the other two contenders. Only the best for me I thought and then the conclusion of deciding what style to choose. Somewhere in my travels I had noticed a role model wearing the 501’s, thin leg, slightly stone washed, bottom fly button undone. Yes, it was a guy from my home town, absolutely stunning he was, I should have realised then that something was up, as I was soon to learn the reason why the lower button was left unattended.

It would seem I had already made my lifetime choice and that being many years previous. Sadly the only problem I encounter every time I purchase same, is the leg length, and being vertically challenged the minimum available is a 32 inch inside leg, my crotch to hem measures only twenty-seven and one half inches. At least now you realise just how I managed to be honoured with the nick name of ‘Stumpy’. Once my dear ageing seamstress has done her magic, there is always enough remaining to possibly make a scarf !

The television adverts for Levi Strauss have been running for many years, scenes including Drug Stores, Prison, Elevators, Oil rigs, washroom, both Gay & lesbians have been featured, even the cuddly toy Flat Eric, Mermaids, Kung Fu scenes and an original made in 1970 with Hippy cartoon characters as if on a psychedelic trip.

Of all the commercials made for Levis, my favourite has to be the classic Launderette scene with Nick Kamen and I certainly wouldn’t believe you if you told me it wasnt yours and I am aiming this statement to both man and woman.

So, even now at my age, I can still manage to squeeze into what I consider the best brand name for Denim, however, you wouldn’t have ever caught me in double denim, that has never been my style.

 

Retro Day 4 …. Apple Pie

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I thought I would try a little “Still Life” today. Perhaps the amount of apples is far too much, however, I have a little something in my mind for later.

I have been fortunate to keep up with the latest devises that technology now makes available and affordable on the open market. For years I bumbled along with many PC’s running the ever unstable Windows programme and with a constant fear that the blue screen of death was always loitering overhead and at the worst possible time would drop my work off a shear edge into the irretrievable chasm.

If ever watching a television programme or a film at the cinema, and then noticing an Apple Computer appearing into shot, instinctively I would engage the part of the brain known as Broca’s area, a thought from my silent vocabulary .. ‘Oh I wish I had one of those’ would then become public knowledge.

Why the brain reference? …. If you notice in the photograph, there is a Macintosh Classic computer, it was given to me recently by the widow of Christopher Upham Murray Smith, he was a prolific writer and penned so many books on the neurosciences and travelled the world addressing conference and seminars alike, most of his compositions were written in his study which over looks the sea, the same view I am fortunate to have, he was my upstairs neighbour, and most of his notes are stored on this same machine. It still fires up, with a noisy whirr but ever the old faithful.

This brings me onto another subject involving apples ….

Apple pie, served hot with cold pouring cream … Just like the Mac its a great American classic.  …..  Retro enough for you?

Retro Day 3 …. Go Bananas

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Who remembers those awful furry characters on television consisting of a beagle, a gorilla, a lion and an elephant who rode around on six-wheel drive all-terrain buggies?

They used to drive me crazy, crazy as in, did my head in. How on earth anyone could relate to the insanity they portrayed and that ridiculous dirge “The Tra La La Song (One Banana, Two Banana)” which, once got inside your head, you couldn’t remove. I bet you have already hummed or sang the tag-line since reading this …. haven’t you? …. come on now, dont lie.

How on earth Hannah & Barbera managed to write and produce thirty-one hour-long episodes I do not know, or to be honest care for that matter, the only thing I couldn’t understand was why on earth as a closing episode they didn’t drown the damn things.

The only Banana Split that interests me is one you would find on a Dessert Menu. Strangely I havent seen or tasted one in years, the smell and texture of the Clotted and Ice Creams along with the Chocolate sauce smothered over the already split banana on a long thin dish is a childhood memory and if you were really lucky a Glacé Cherry adorned the top, sometimes two.

Happy days.

 

Retro Day 2 …. SuperHeroes

IMG_3184.jpgWho wanted to be a SuperHero or an assistant when they were younger? …..                   STOP!     Actually thinking about it, why not now?

Of course we did, all of us at some point in our lives wanted to do something beyond anything natural, personally, I have always wanted to be able to fly  ….. !

Superman? No, couldn’t, as wearing your pants over your tights is like running a red light to the fashion police.

Batman neither, fancy wearing a shirt with a photograph of your tonsils on your chest, how daft is that!

Spider-Man? … Mmmm, I quite like his agility, although now a bit too old in the tooth for all that malarkey.

The Hulk? …. Couldnt afford all the clothes repairs.

Green lantern? … nah!

Robin? … pfft!

Wonder-Woman? ….. too much of a goodie two shoes.

And then there is poor old Thor, always in the wars and hurting himself … constantly crying out “I’m Thor, i’m Thor”

and finally … Captain America? … I dont think so !

But seriously, what would we call ourselves and just who would we be responsible to?

Me? … I’m just plain “Cooper-Man”   …. Responsible to? …. Myself of course.