Sometimes, whilst suffering insomnia, this curse can be a god send, or whoever you believe in, or worship, it’s a gift. Battling between dodging the sunrise light rays trying to break in between the tops and sides of the curtains and desperately wishing to be vacuumed under the duvet to resume a once brief slumber the only way to rid this decision is to get ones sad carcass out of bed and face the world with a smile.

Within a few seconds I’m up, swearing at the clock face and plotting my own charts as to how I’m going to navigate my day.

Within ten minutes I’m in sloppy trackies, trainers and in the driving seat of my trusty mini who is known as Parker, now speeding out of “Nutbush” and breaking the “city limits” heading towards the next town along the coast, bearing in mind folks, clock on speedo says 06:50.

I pass no cars, or buses coming in the opposite direction, perhaps time has shifted, perhaps I may have died and it’s just me, all alone, or maybe I’m a lost character from the planet of the apes.

Perhaps I AM the clever ape, yes, that’s it, monkey boy, monkey boy driving the two pedalled Cooper, Mr Guetta banging out his beats on the music box at a decibel louder than Concorde on take off, monkey boy has a penchant for loud soundz.

This is wonderful, I have the world to myself, I pull up outside the sunshine shop and secure the car, about to enter same and this pig like creature appears, not undickenson like, it barges past me and signs in via his *trotter* print recognition, selfishly he hogs himself the “stand up shower”, oh you should have heard the title I bestowed upon him under my “I’m not angry” smile.

Fifteen minutes of UVA rays steadily restore my lost sleep issues, the relays sound, awakening my brief kip, suddenly it’s back to reality.

Heading off to the supermarket, his head goes into overdrive, mentally substituting recipe ingredients for less expensive items, today is treat day, monkey boy is now going wild in the aisles.

On checkout he smiles at the cashier, she tells him to have a nice weekend, He replies “you too”.

Monkey boy is now home, shopping items are placed in cupboards, in fridge & on wine rack, now bathed & dressed in his weekend finery he pours his freshly brewed Indian coffee ….. 

This primate certainly knows how to have all the fun.