Hang on there while i top my glass up !

There, thats better, i can start now.

I hear you wondering why on earth has he “started” quite so early in the day?, believe me, it would have been earlier, but, as is said, shit happens.

Im now into my third day of house and dog sitting for my best mate, four unruly Jack Russell’s who have pushed me to my limits, three are his and the remainder, Willow, is mine, anyhow, upon an executive decision this morning, and after being physically and verbally assaulted by them, i begrudgingly force myself out of bed, and then feed them, the frenzied four, as per the norm.

I decide that I’m going to give myself a breakfast treat and head into town, this is of a rare occurrence, as I’m, or we, that is Chris and myself normally head onto the next town along the coast to do our business, to be honest, i don’t share myself locally, be it opticians, solicitors or even shopping in my own home town, terrible really, but simply because everyone gossips too much, and frankly, i don’t wish to be part of an evenings conversation where, A) i might have been seen to be choosing a pair of “Ronnie Kray style” glasses, or B) why did he only buy three figs, and why did he buy the figs? period,!! and C) who i intend to sue next, not that i am, you must understand, not at present, anyway.

As today is quite fresh, its time to open up the winter wardrobe, sounds flash huh?, well, infant, its a choice of two coats, one a funereal type crombie or that of a sports coat emblazoning the swoosh logo, to those who aren’t sure what that is, its a brand name, Nike.

Swoosh it is then, still fits nicely, the diet has helped at least, and in the pocket i find £8+ in change, that sure is a bonus, breakfast or brunch, what ever you like to call it, is now sorted.

Deciding to share the love, i dismiss my on occasion usual coffee haunt and call upon a new venture named “Picnic Brixham”, all very Laura Ashley meets French Chic, i decide I like this place, its calm, no children, by the way, i believe establishments selling coffee should NOT entertain children, there, i said it. N’er n’er, i place my order.

I down my doppio and dive straight in, i have never seen so much Brie in a baguette in all my days, beautifully presented, with cranberry sauce and a fresh radish salad, actually,  

 here it is, it was awesomeness on a plate, actually no, it is awesomeness in my belly!

This place has my vote, I plus order an americano, black and plain, I am lacking in energy, little did I know, this was to be my fuel for later, I give my praise and head out, my train of thought is, what to buy first without being penalised five pence for a scabby plastic bag, (excuse the break, its past 16:00 hrs, the mutts need evening dinner, BRB)

The enigma I present to those in the know, is why would I purchase four camping gas canisters for cooking?, when I have one of the most beautifully presented fitted kitchens on the south west coast, simple, when I’m creating, and believe me, I can create, in more ways than one, no!, I digress, I have an oak and granite island, it is of monolithic proportions, infact, its one of the many “few” purchases I made after i receiving an inheritance from my Father, simply, it faces North, I have views across the water toward Torquay, I have a camping gas stove on it, and it gives me inspiration to cook whilst i look out onto my world, whereas my fitted hob has no view, its as simple as that.

I head toward the butcher, canisters in hand, and purchase a chicken treat for the motley crew, after an interrogation as to why I haven’t been “around” for a while from the lovely Wayne, i depart, graciously.

Being in town has been fun, sarcasm is one of my forte’s, you may have noticed that, seeing *my* bus, and hail, he stops, I climb aboard and flash my pass, and yes, i’m entitled to free bus travel, of which I rarely use, oh the shame!  Steadily the aged transit wends its way around a familiar route, altho, noticing from my disabled seat, I see an elderly lady whom i recognise, i wonder why she might be travelling to my neck of the woods, expecting the struggling vehicle to turn left at the top of the hill it steadily continues to the right, I am spooked, jesus H christ, I am on the WRONG fecking bus, eventually I stop panicking, thinking it will return hence where it started from, it passes through a new estate, goodness knows how long its been there, I hadn’t a clue, many stops are called, the penultimate passenger alights, the driver looks at me and says in his uncaring stagecoach dialect, “Bus terminates ‘ere mate” …..

I can’t express my thoughts, or even my profanities now, here I am stood, next to an isolated bus stop pole alone with a carrier bag and almost two miles away from my start position, there are no return buses for at least 45 minutes, WTF!

Its a beautiful sunny day, thank god, i walk slowly down streets i haven’t trodden upon in years, i make a pathetic call to my mate, who is over 200 miles away, hoping he might detour and pick me up en route, cursing, i head downhill this time into town, i stop briefly to purchase more surprises for the puppies, i am sure the mutinous crew have now destroyed what was a safe haven and once known as home.

i hear a voice in my head, “buy me, buy me”, as i near the off license, i can taste the freshness of the grapes desperately trying to escape the screw top of the bottle, i contemplate brown bagging as i hot foot it home, the hounds of hell are quiet as i approach the sanctity that is home, i throw the “lions” chewsticks, and place the bottle of golden nectarness briefly in the freezer.

At least, i have had my exercise for today, and tomorrow, possibly even the day after. I definately expect to sleep tonight.

Bottoms up peeps!

By the way, three figs for 99p, who could resist!